Blind Trust!!!Blind Trust!!!

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Today’s mental workout for Political Thursdays offers an exclusive tour to a place more secure than Fort Knox, but worth every bit as much, we are venturing inside the mind of Willard Mitt Romney. We’ve already been inside the mind of President Obama, so in the spirit of our fair and balanced forum, it’s time to see what Mitt is thinking. After all Mitt would like us to blindly trust him with the keys to the nation, it’s very important we dig a little deeper, for us over here at the mental workout, it may be the closest we ever get to a quarter billion dollars. Anyway it must be said for a venture capitalist, Mitt doesn’t appear to be the biggest risk taker in the world, anyhow let’s get on with the tour.

We are greeted at the entrance of his mind by our tour guide, Jose. Mitt immediately rushes over just to make sure the worker is legal, he says “I am running for office for Pete’s sake, I can’t have illegals.” He asks once again then walks away disappointed saying “darn, I like being able to fire people.” With that Mitt jets off to play a round of golf on the fairway of his mind with his good buddies, you know regular folks, NFL, NASCAR owners, just your average everyday people, apparently they are only playing for $10K a hole, must be a slow day. As we proceed with the tour, we can’t help but notice the chill factor, it feels icy cold, obviously the freezing temperatures must account for Mitt’s stiffness. First stop of the tour is Mitt’s favorite place in the world, the bank vault of his mind. It’s a remarkable institution, the walls and floors are all made entirely of money, we see giant portraits of Benjamin Franklin notes on the ceiling, a work of art Michelangelo would be envious of. In fact Mitt has money on his mind so much, he doesn’t just smell it, apparently he likes to taste it too with his daily newspaper. We also notice a laundry attached to the bank, a very peculiar location indeed, wonder what Mitt is up to.

Next stop on the tour is a massive building with a giant loop hole. Our guide explains this particular building has been off limits for the past few years, we notice a horde of security personnel on guard. We inquire as to all the privacy and secrecy, allegedly it’s where all the tax returns are housed. Next we come across the church of Romney’s mind, but we are banned from addressing any topics concerning Mormonism so we best move on. We experience another amazing breakthrough, it appears the reason for Romney’s lack of backbone is that his spinal cord is not connected all the way to the brain. Also there seems to be some kind of toll bridge on the highway between his brain and heart, wow, that is a first in our experience, this man will do anything to raise funds. Finally we come to the million dollar question, in these parts more like the billion dollar one, why is Mitt so robotic. It turns out there’s always a slight response delay in the main power circuit of Mitt’s mind, apparently he outsourced the labor. Well you get what you pay for! That just about concludes our tour, Mitt suddenly appears and says he has a load to get off his mind, we pause in anticipation of some huge confession, instead he laughs and tells us we are it. Mitt tells us to beat it and send him the bill for next year's tax write-off, he’s a funny guy that fella! We hope you enjoyed today's political mental workout, if not, blame Mitt, one can only work with the material provided.