Corporate Downsizing!!!Corporate Downsizing!!!

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Today’s mental workout for Imagination Wednesdays welcomes you to a unique corporate downsizing, no worries, in this case it’s not all bad, no jobs are being shipped overseas or anything. We are going to do a little restructuring in the corporation of the mind; massive layoffs are occurring, two entire divisions eradicated effective immediately, negative thoughts and bad habits, the bottom-line will certainly be boosted. It has come to senior management's attention that negative thoughts and bad habits have been responsible for the subpar corporate performance over the past two quarters. However, the problems have also spread into other departments, the main culprits are being rounded up and handed pink slips as we speak. The first victim is the VP of Sales, Mr. Greed who has just been found responsible for seriously over-billing some of the corporation’s best clients. How’s that for gratitude! Shame because Mr. Greed wasn’t always like that, after all, he began his career as Joe the intern, unfortunately, sometimes climbing up that corporate ladder by any means necessary can bring out the worst in folks.

Unpredictably, in a new turn of events, this shake-up has also reached the very top of the corporation, brain trust as it were. Apparently Mrs. Inspiration, former Managing Director, previously forced out by the board of directors has now being reinstated. She has promptly called for the majority shareholders and stakeholders to remove the acting Managing Director, Mr. Blind and the entire board for lack of vision, purpose and core values. Her allegations appear right on the money too, no pun intended. Employee morale and production have been on a downward spiral over the fiscal year. Mr. Heart, Mrs. Health, and Mr. Courage, major shareholders are willing to back Mrs. Inspiration all the way. Knowing the board like we do, they are not going down without a fight, this could get ugly. Right on cue, a team of ambulance chasers or sorry, we mean lawyers have just rushed over to the main conference room in the Medulla Oblongata, wow, the speed they smell an opportunity is out of this world. Mr. Fear and Mrs. Panic are frantic with the recent proceedings, here comes Mr. Composure to the rescue, breathe deeply he says, all will be fine, these mental workouts always have a happy ending.

Mrs. Imagination wakes up and wonders what all the commotion is all about, she doesn’t keep regular working hours if you know what we mean. Ms. gossip, Ms. rumors and Mr. watercooler fill her in on all the details. They can talk for hours that lot! How they keep their jobs is beyond us. What do you know, a compromise has been hammered out already. That seems really quick especially when lawyers are on the clock. As you may have guessed, the details of the settlement work out great for the board. They each get golden parachutes worth millions of dollars with a vacation in the Bahamas thrown in for good measure. Unfortunately, to pay for this very expensive package, regular employees have to miss out on their Christmas bonuses, even worse they have to work night and day through the holidays. However, the employees don’t seem to mind, relieved they still have a job. The news is not all good though, a couple of descent employees are let go without any severance packages, Mr. Ignorant and Ms. Naïve, how sad! HR and legal found a loophole. In this world, if you are not street wise, you get taken. Mr. motivation is nowhere to be found to give his input, some rumors suggest he may have been replaced by supercomputers, that ought to be interesting. Thanks for joining us on this corporate escapade, but it’s time to get back to some work. Adieu!