Return to Sender!!!Return to Sender!!!

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Today’s mental workout for Political Thursdays got a peep at some return letters from Santa Claus, who else did you think, that other fella in the sky, how can we write him, we don’t know his exact location. Why bother writing him, he can read your thoughts anyhow, at least Palin can deliver letters to Santa from her proximity. Don’t ask us how we got access to these top-secret letters, we have contacts in high places either that or the US post office doesn’t give a damn anymore. Anyway here it goes, the GOP letters that were declined by Santa choosing instead to stay out of politics. Wise move!

Romney’s Dear Santa begins :

Thank you Santa for accepting this letter in advance, we share a lot in common or should I say I have been called a cold stiff, but I am really not. People just don’t get me, that’s all. I’m sure you are wondering what does a man who has everything possibly need. Truth is money, great family and good looks ain't enough, I want more, I want to do what Daddy couldn't do, even Bush Jr did it. I don’t know what all the fuss is about, I’m only worth 200 million, I play golf with people worth 2 billion, now that's rich. I can’t even make a chump change 10K bet without people getting their nickers in a twist. Pick on me why don’t they, even when I try to expand my mind and change stances on issues, they call me wishy washy, say I don’t stand for anything, hey, I can’t help it if I like telling the crowd what they like to hear. I mean what is this world coming to when you can’t even buy a good ole American election, times they are a changing! Please Santa make it all go away, help me win the nomination, I waited my turn, I deserve this, I’m next in line, I paid my dues, to the country club that is, come on Santa, give me this break and I promise to send you that business plan where we can trim your reindeer staff and make you more efficient.

Gingrich’s Dear Santa begins:

We’ll skip the pleasantries Santa and get right down to business. It’s ironic that some people think I look like you while others call me Newt the Grinch. They can be harsh Earthlings these folks, I mean you can’t even trade in your wife for a newer model without abuse. I just want to spread the love, you know how it is Santa, when there’s more of you, there’s more to share. Here’s the kicker, Santa, they want to hold some congressional corruption charge over my head. Can you imagine, I was in congress for Pete’s sake, corruption is the name of the game. They even have the nerve to accuse me of taking money from Freddie Mac, it’s a government sponsored entity, what do they think happens, besides flushing money down a toilet. I’m only running for President of the United States for Pete’s sake, these folks have no idea of history like I do and the backgrounds of some past presidents. Please Santa, grant me this wish, don’t let that pious Romney win.

There was also a group letter sent in from Perry, Paul, Bachmann, Santorum and Huntsman wishing for more air time, but unfortunately Perry forgot to mail it.

P.S. from Herman Cain, Don’t forget my 9-9-9 plan.